a proliferation of gods

For me, god is ever changing and forever sought. The elusive object of alchemy’s misplaced dreams and the psychological phenomenon of emotional relativities as they mix with the desire to control one’s environment and explain all these random acts of joy and pain. Yet these intermittent bouts of chaos and order can be appreciated, even as we acquiesce to it or act against it. From rock, to river, to soil dissolving in the muck between our toes it forever washes all around us. So, what is god but a tumultuous issue of will as it acknowledges the mysteries of creation? No matter how we categorize it or rationalize it we are creatures fascinated and confused by our will.
It seems that whatever my explanation, the underlying issue seems to be one in which I must consider how my actions act as some type of foundation for those that come after. My god is not a river that can be dammed, it is a flow that eludes such opposition. To some god is a force that damns, but to me it is loves unfolding exhibition. It is what we can do to birth the inevitable joys and pains from our eternal quest for honesty. The attempt to balance the selfish being with the altruistic being as they navigate amongst the millions of other factions and fractions that coexist within me. And that metaphor travels still to fill this world with others that are bouncing around with their own philosophies of mental pinballs interacting and influencing and participating in love, and war, and peace. And my quest for balance, even if it is only a psychological fantasy , is something that I feel should be acted towards. Our gods exist only in our attempt to reach for those things we believe in, without being deceived in, why we choose or fail to choose such actions.